Scale

Without a ballast, a scale is worthless. This is why the stability of game review sites fall apart in time with every game getting a 70-80% or higher. The ballast for this site will be to use a snapshot of time: the NES Era. When a game gets a score of ‘Metroid’, I am saying this game is exactly of the quality of ‘Metroid’ as we peceive Metroid today (an unsurpassed classic). If a game gets a score of ‘Urban Champion’, you know it will be garbage. These games are reviewed as they play today with nostalgia fiercely fought back. Commentators are welcome to assist in deciphering the true value of the games.

Review Scale

95%-100% – Tanooki

A revolutionary game that refuses to age. Very, very few games will ever be a Tanooki. When a game does become a Tanooki, it is the same as saying this game is in the same league as Super Mario Brothers 3. These games will be extremely few, if any.

90%-94% – Metroid

This game is the equivalent of Metroid, Super Metroid, or Metroid Prime. While there is some aging, the gameplay overrides it. These games are the top of their genre and have never been surpassed. Not many games will be a Metroid.

80%-89% – Zelda

A Zelda game (we’re talking Classic Zelda here with Zelda 1, 2, LTTP, Ocarina of Time) is so good that you can keep replaying it all day, everyday. Any game that gets the score of 80%-89% is the equivalent of the game being as good as Legend of Zelda or Link to the Past. It is going to be a damn good game.

70%-79% – Mega Man

A game in the 70-79% range is a wonderful game and you want to own it like a classic Mega Man game but not necessarily going to cry if you don’t own it. When games like Mega Man 4, 5, and 6 came out, everyone wanted the games, yet you felt fine with passing on them as well. These games are really fun, really solid, but not the best games out there.

60%-69% – Gradius

If a game falls in the 60%-69% range, you should know that it is a fun game, a good game, but it is not a game you’ll be playing often. Like Gradius, it gets tiring due to its imperfections.

50%-59% – Battletoads

This game is above average but not by much. Battletoads was an above average game, yet its uneven design problems were like an anchor keeping the game at average. If a game is in this level, it might very well be worth checking out. However, it is the equivalent of Battletoads. The faults may cause you to hate the game.

40%-49% – Wizards and Warriors

These games are below average like Wizards and Warriors. The game is solid except for all the frustrations. No one ever wants to play it again or admits to playing it publicly.  Only people of a certain taste can really enjoy the game. A game that falls in this range has more frustrations than joys… like Wizards and Warriors.

30%-39% – Rad Racer

There’s fun in this game, however it doesn’t last long. The game is below average, easily surpassed in the genre, and you’ll find no cults around the game.

20%-29% – Duck Hunt

People’s childhood memories aside, Duck Hunt was a very mediocre and repetitive game whose enjoyment revolved entirely around how long you remained interested in the NES light gun (not long for most people). When a game falls in this category, it just isn’t that satisfying of a game. It’s below average and has few, if any, redeemable qualities. The game may be competent and not garbage. Anything that falls below this is incompetent software and garbage.

10%-19% – Athena

This game is a waste of time. It might have an unique hook on it or something (like Athena whacking monsters with a golf club), but the entire game isn’t fun, has many design problems, and isn’t worth the effort.

0%-9% – Urban Champion

Garbage. Just like Nintendo’s Urban Champion. Avoid at all costs.

 

Special Awards:

Hidden Gem – Little Nemo: The Dream Master

This an amazing game that no one knows about… just like Little Nemo: The Dream Master.

Ridiculous Playtime Value – Final Fantasy

The game has an absurd amount of gameplay time in it and sticks out beyond other games. This award won’t go to turn based games unless it is a turn based game that is very unusual in how much playtime comes out of it (as most turn based games have a ton of playtime value in them). Final Fantasy award goes to the unusual cases. Back in the day, when you bought a Final Fantasy, you were buying a game with a huge time value.

Amazing Music – Mega Man 2

This game has extraordinary music and is worth getting to listen to the soundtrack. When a game has this award, its music sticks out compared to other games like Mega Man 2 did back in the day.

Multi-Genre – Guardian Legend

Some NES games fused multiple genres together to create a unique experience such as Blaster Master, Zelda 2, and Guardian Legend. Guardian Legend fuses two separate gameplays of the shmup and the adventure game.

Overrated – Startropics

These are games that people say are great but aren’t like Startropics. Games that age terribly are also Startropics.

Extreme Difficulty – Ghosts and Goblins

This game is designed to be intentionally challenging like Ghosts and Goblins.

Co-Opt – Contra

This game can be played in co-op. This does not include standard multiplayer.

Arcade Quality – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Arcade Game

This game could be in an arcade cabinet.

Terrific Atmosphere – Castlevania III

This game’s soundtrack and sound effects create an immersion atmosphere. This differs from the Mega Man 2 award as it is about kickass atmosphere, not kickass music.

Teaches Typing – Rambo

This game makes you type words with the keyboard frequently. Games like King’s Quest double as ‘teach yourself typing’.

Awesome Multiplayer – Dr. Mario

The game is worth purchasing for the multiplayer alone. Games like Bomberman and Dr. Mario have excellent multiplayer.

Page Turning Story – Ninja Gaiden

You want to progress through the game just to see what happens next in the story just like Ninja Gaiden.

 

Inputs:

This will show the choice of inputs that are available: keyboard, mouse, joystick, and gamepad. For the gamepad, I am using a Mayflash USB that connects to the Wii Classic Controller.

Above: Behold the glory of my crappy Dell keyboard! I suppose I could shell out for the clickity analog keyboard they sell for a hundred bucks or I could just use the IBM originals in the closet. I keep using this keyboard because it somehow survives being bombarded by food and spills.

Above: I love this mouse. I’ve had it for many years. I’ll keep using it until it wears out, if it ever does.

Above: I just bought this guy. It is the El Cheapo joystick. As PC gamers know, joysticks don’t have a long life expectancy. Through my PC gaming days, I think I’ve gone through at least twenty. My wealthy friends only buy the $200+ joysticks. Alas, this is what is for me. However, I suspect most gamers are in the same boat as myself and will get a cheap joystick like this.

Above: No, your eyes do not deceive you. It is the Wii Classic Controller Pro! I am using the Mayflash USB port that hooks up the controller to the PC. The reason why I am doing this is because I love the Nintendo D-pad and can’t tolerate anything else. Games with good controller support will recognize this Mayflashed console controller.

Multiplayer: 

PC games have different forms of multiplayer.

Above: This means there is currently a public server available to connect to play on the Internet.

Above: Simultaneous multiplayer is possible with just a single computer.

Above: A direct connection can be made to another player by connecting to their TCP-IP address. This only allows two player multiplayer.

Above: LAN stands for Local Area Network.

Above: Players take turns playing on one computer. I love this picture.

Above: Multiplayer through email.

Above: Kids, this is a modem. It sends data over telephone lines. I have no idea why anyone would be wanting to play multiplayer over a modem today, but I do get nostalgic for the little noise it made!